Am I Enough?

Let's face it....we all have that little voice between our ears asking if we are enough? Well?

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From the Whiskey Niner One Studios, it's another show. Hey, thanks for tuning in to Doc's Boneyard. Got a strange question for you. And before you think I've gone off my rocker, my cheese has slipped off the cracker, well, I'll let you decide. The question is, have you ever wondered if you're enough? Now, while you think about that, I'm going to do a quick break, and I'll be back. I had to give some love and shout outs to my famous cause for no applause. Alright, maybe I should stick to podcasting instead of poetry. But before I get started, here is the mantra. It's a safe zone, but not a comfort zone. So seriously. What did you think about the question? And before you say it or even start to think it, no, this isn't more that existential self-exaltation that society is famous for. No, this is a question that I've asked myself. So what does it mean to ask if I'm enough? Well, for me personally, it's about pride. Now the definition of the word pride that I got from the internet is a deep feeling of pleasure or satisfaction derived from one's own achievements. Now, I don't know about you, but it's a double-edged sword. Hey, we all have accomplishments. We all take great satisfaction in our achievements, right? Okay, Doc Factoid. I used to have my own studio full of all my military achievements on the wall. I had my military medals and a display case on the bookcase, as well as a buttload of challenge coins. I even had my EMS certifications on the wall. I would look at them and think, man, I've accomplished a lot. Which, you know, is true. I got recognition for just doing my jobs, you know, the ones I chose to do. What I was actually doing is making a shrine to me. Was it really necessary to have a visual reminder and stare at it constantly? I mean, let's face it. We all had that I love me wall, especially us veterans to remind us of who we were. Now the key takeaway is and air quotes here, who we were. And I got to do some cool stuff outside the military. I got to uh attend a writer's symposium with some of the best in the business. I got to write a song backstage at the Grand All Opry and perform it on an empty stage, except for a tour group, but hey, I scarred them for life. I had an internet radio station and so much more. And the point is, yeah, exactly. When I think of how fortunate and blessed I was to do those things that I have to remind myself not to be prideful. Hey, look, I struggle with pride. I don't like to brag, but if you ask me what I've done, hey, I'll give you a list. Now that doesn't mean I'm better than anyone. It just means I have to be careful because someone may think that I'm making myself out to be more than who I really am. Hey, it may it would be very easy for me because of my deep-rooted insecurities that I still work on. To pretend that crap my crap doesn't stink. Now, in the back of my mind, that little voice still tries to tell me that I'm not good enough. That I will screw something up, blah blah blah blah blah blah blah. Well, you get it. Hey, let's face it, we all have that little voice. Personally, I choose not to listen. Well I make mistakes, count on it. Am I a hard hit who has to learn the hard way? Place your bits and come out a winner. As a matter of fact, I build failure in everything I do. Just so things don't go as planned, well, then I can tweak 'em. There was a time when I used to feel failure. I thought of myself as less of a person because I watched so many others who seem to succeed at everything they did. Now the problem with that is that when failure happens, they don't know how to deal with it. And if I were a bitten man, hey, I'd always bet on the underdog. My dear wife, God bless her soul, tells me that I'm cocky, and I always counter with no, I'm confident. How can I be confident in lieu of my deep seated insecurities? Well, I can tell you with a hundred percent certainty that it don't come for me. If it did, then that would make me a hypocrite and a liar. It kind of reminds me of that old adage, do as I say, not as I do. So where does conf or confidence? So where does confidence come from? Well, there are two sources. Confidence disguised as pride comes from the devil. And here's some biblical examples. Pride goes before destruction, a haughty spirit before a fall. A haughty is basically saying you're better than somebody else. That's Proverbs chapter 16, verse 18. Now I had to look up the definition of the word haughty, and like I said, it means arrogantly superior and disdainful. Now, we've all known that one person who looks down their nose at us less worthy human beings. The ones that look at you as though you're not worthy, the breathe the same air they do. When pride comes, then comes disgrace, but with humility comes wisdom. That's another nugget from Proverbs chapter 11, verse 2. Now the next one really describes the world we're living in now. And we become too smart. Hey, look at AI, for example. We are making our own intelligence. How about stem cell research? While there's some great applications for the treatment of some defects, the premise is that we can engineer what God created kind of says it all. Cloning. Creating things in our own image and likeness. How about the push for transhumanism? You know what? I can go on and on and on. In his pride, the wicked man does not seek him. In all his thoughts, there is no room for God. Psalms verse 4, chapter 10. Guilty, guilty, guilty. Me a culpa. That's been me when I think that I'm my own God. What I forgot in those moments is that knowledge where knowledge comes from. I was born naked, and with the exception of instinctional behavior that feeds my head, my head's empty. I learned from the examples of those around me, sure. But as far as the academic knowledge, the cranium is empty. I sure didn't create the human body. I didn't create my fascination for the way it works or how it breaks. I did realize that I was given a gift of seeking that knowledge and using that to help people at their worst moments. It would have been very easy to develop that God complex because of what I learned. And in my time in the medical field, I have seen that a lot with physicians. Sorry, got on my squirrel train for a moment. So what's the counter for pride? Humility. Now, it's supposed to be purposeful and confident as long as you have the mindset that you were to serve and not be served. Personal example this time. I spent a lot of my adult life serving others, not for acknowledgement, but out of a fundamental need to protect those who had no one to protect them. Was that a result of my upbringing? You darn skippy. I believe God used my past to shape me for a lifetime of service. Now, there's no doubt that an easier life would have been nice, but hey, why not make the best of a situation and use those lessons for good? That is a lesson I wouldn't have learned if I hadn't gone through those situations. Another biblical quote Do nothing out of a selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility, value others above yourself, not looking to your own interests, but each of you to the interests of the others. Philippians chapter two, three and four. Man, that's a hard truth that need to be said. We all have a specific purpose, and that purpose isn't to serve ourselves. Let me say that again. That purpose isn't to serve ourselves. If we devote more time to God's purpose in our life, then let's face it, there'd be a lotless selfishness. Think about it. Look at those who want fortune and fame. Actors, musicians, athletes, writers, academics, physicians, researchers, scientists, and the list goes on. We came in this world with nothing, and we're gonna leave with nothing. Everything in between is just alone. So why not act like it? Proud will make you believe that you deserve it because you are you. And I know for me, if I got everything I deserve, well, I'd be screwed. I'd be serious trouble. I would get one huge smack down. So Joe, you thought you were all that a bag of chips? Boom! Atomic elbow. You got this and don't need any help? Body slam. You know more than me who gives you knowledge, the sleeper hold. There would be no heavyweight championship belt for me. I think it's to say safe to say that the next biblical example sums it all up for me. For those who shall exalt themselves will be humbled, and for those who humble themselves will be exalted. Now, this show is not meant to sh to judge. It's only to enlighten from my personal experience. You know, remember that whole accountability thing? For me, the moment I stepped out of the am I enough mentality, I realized that I am enough. But only through the eyes of my creator, then I let all the pressure go. I don't have to prove my worth. It's already been given. I'm not perfect, and I don't need to put on the act to strive for perfection. As long as I fulfill my purpose given to me by God, then I'm good. Well, just one more thing. It isn't automatic and you can't get to heaven on deeds done. You gotta ask by saying your own way doesn't work, then you're sorry for putting yourself first. There is a roadmap if you ask. Just some food for thought. As always, I thank you for tuning in. And I'm not gonna use the usual catchphrase this time, just because of the sensitive matter of the subject. But if you have any questions, comments, show ideas, or just want to be a guest, drop me a line at the Boneyard 2021. That's the Boneyard 2021 at yahoo.com. Hey, check this out. If you want some official show swag, go to t public and type in Doc's Boneyard in the search tab. That's T Public. T-E-E-P-U-B-L-I-C.com. Remember, I may be the voice on the mic, but this is your show. Remember, it's not the fat, the meat, the gristle. It's just a bare bones. Until next time, God bless in John three sixteen.